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HELHEIM SCANS
[Translator - Peptobismol]
[Proofreader - Demon God]
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Chapter 123 - What Winter Left Behind (5)
For a time, peace remained.
They shared meals.
He carefully tended to the scars that marred her body.
And on the nights when fever overtook her, he stayed by her side until morning.
Day by day, familiarity grew between them.
They had become a part of each other’s world.
The days they had leaned on one another, relied on one another, had built something new.
A fragile bond had begun to take root between the boy and the girl.
"Winter is finally coming to an end."
The season was drawing to a close.
When they first met, winter had only just begun—
But now, without realizing it, they were already turning the pages of February.
Perhaps it was proof of how intense and densely packed their time together had been.
I found myself smiling.
A smile meant for the ever-stoic girl.
"What do you think? Are you looking forward to spring?"
"…Not really."
Even the rigid boundaries of our relationship had begun to shift.
Before, she had never spoken first.
At best, she would give the shortest possible responses.
But now, at least, we could hold small conversations.
Perhaps this was the power of familiarity.
Her wariness toward me had eased significantly, and she no longer bristled as sharply as before.
Sometimes, when half-asleep, she would even allow herself to be patted.
Of course, the moment she was fully awake, she would recoil in horror and flee.
"A little disappointing, really."
Regardless—
As the distance between us shrank, I was beginning to understand her.
It was something I had observed over the past three months.
"Hey… Isn’t it exhausting?"
"Hm?"
"Staying up every night to take care of me. It must be tiring, doing that every single day. My fevers don’t seem to be going away anytime soon, either…"
"Should I take that as concern? Or gratitude?"
"…I never said anything like that."
"Some things don’t need to be said to be understood."
"Forget it. I shouldn’t have brought it up."
"Heh… You really are thoughtful, Miss Neria."
"Don’t be ridiculous."
At her core, she was kind.
She may have struggled to express it—
But she knew how to worry about others.
She simply didn’t know how to show it.
She was no monster.
Just a nineteen-year-old girl.
Lonely. Timid at times. Prone to tears at night.
A perfectly ordinary nineteen-year-old.
And yet, despite that—
She had been forced to shut herself away from the world.
Because of her curse.
"I can’t… If I leave this place, someone will get hurt again. That’s why I have to stay here…"
She hadn’t distanced herself from people to protect herself.
She had done it to protect others.
A power she could not control.
She feared the harm she might cause more than the harm she might suffer.
Perhaps it was because she had already known the pain of loss.
"I don’t… want to hurt anyone anymore."
And so, she spent countless nights drowning in guilt.
Her kind nature only made it worse.
She was a monster, yet she still clung to a human heart.
A sorrowful contradiction.
I couldn’t even begin to fathom the road she had walked.
How much of herself had she abandoned just to survive?
She had cast away happiness first.
Then, the feeling of safety.
Later, even sorrow and rage had faded, leaving behind only emptiness.
And at the end of it all—
The only thing left in her heart was hatred for the world itself.
Sometimes, I recalled her fate in the original story.
– I never… wanted this power.
– Why did the stars choose me?
The tragic end of a girl who had burned everything to the ground.
Even with such a fragile heart—
How much suffering had she endured before she finally fell into villainy?
Thinking about it left a bitter taste.
And so, I wanted to do more for her.
I had always been weak to children like her.
I devoted myself to helping her reclaim her life.
Giving her everything I could.
"Another joyful round of treatment today!"
The hardest part of it all—
Was dealing with her power.
Or rather—
Was it even correct to call this treatment?
Her frail body, imbued with the blessing of the stars.
The relentless surge of that power, threatening to spiral out of control.
To keep it at bay, I had to suppress her abilities regularly.
Even then, it was only a temporary solution.
"Kuhk…!"
The moment I grasped her hand and focused,
A violent cough forced its way through my lips—
Flecks of blood staining my palm.
This was always how it went.
Whether from the strain or something else,
Nosebleeds, internal injuries—
Even fainting had become a regular occurrence.
I had long since accepted that my own body was reaching its limits.
Suppressing her power required more than I had.
"Haa… Haa… Another failure, huh?"
Yet again, I had fallen short.
At this rate, I would need to find a better solution.
Perhaps this was the perfect time to tackle the issue of my own power.
It made me realize, once again, just how monstrous the original Judas had been.
That man had wielded unstable power like a plaything—
Toying with the very fabric of reality through Lies.
The gap between us was something that couldn’t be bridged so easily.
I sighed.
"Oh dear, my sleeve’s a mess."
"Are you… okay?"
As I wiped away the blood, she hesitantly asked.
There was something in her gaze.
A faint, wavering concern.
Over the past three months—
Something in her had changed.
Before, she had recoiled from my touch.
She had resisted treatment entirely.
But now—
She watched me.
She worried when I staggered.
It was a small shift, but it meant something.
"You’re bleeding… a lot."
"I may have pushed myself a little too hard."
"Doesn’t it hurt?"
"Not at all."
"Liar."
"I’m telling the truth."
Beneath her clipped words—
There was kindness.
I offered a faint smile.
The kind that barely lingered, like mist on an early morning.
A silence stretched between us.
Then, she murmured.
"I don’t understand."
"Hmm?"
"I don’t understand you. I have nothing to give you, and yet you keep giving me things."
"I believe I already answered that last time."
"That I’m precious to you? That doesn’t explain anything."
"Acts of kindness don’t always need a reason."
"And yet, even after coughing up blood?"
"It can’t be helped."
"…You’re a strange person."
She frowned.
Silver eyes filled with uncertainty.
Unable to comprehend me.
I simply smiled again, brushing it aside.
"Miss Neria."
I gently reached out—
Running my fingers through her hair.
A warmth settled in my touch.
Softly, I whispered.
"Everything will be all right."
She no longer flinched away.
As if she had finally grown accustomed to it.
"This time… I’ll be the one to stay by your side."
A silver-haired monster.
Perhaps—
The first responsibility I had taken on since arriving in this world.
A shackle, binding me in place.
"Heh… It’s getting late. Shall we eat?"
"…Sure."
She nodded.
And so, our winter seemed to pass.
But—
Why didn’t I notice?
"…None of this is all right."
The quiet murmur that brushed past my ear.
Why didn’t I see—
How dark her expression had been that night?
***
The girl lived in an unfamiliar routine.
A warmth she could not grow used to.
For the first time in her life, she had a home—a place to stay.
Like an unexpected gift, it remained by her side.
A peaceful life.
More beautiful than she had ever dared to hope.
Days without pain.
But.
A creeping unease slithered through her heart.
A thorned noose coiled around her fragile neck.
‘Should I even be here?’
Recently, her episodes had grown more frequent.
She could no longer control her power properly.
The fevers that haunted her nights burned even hotter now, and sometimes—
The flames would escape her grasp entirely.
Watching her body deteriorate, she realized—
The starlight was becoming violent.
At any moment, she could lose control.
‘I don’t want this…’
The boy had been suppressing it under the guise of treatment—
But it was only a temporary measure.
Like holding down a tightly wound spring for a brief moment.
And even that was taking a toll on him.
Every time, he coughed up blood.
Every time, he reassured her with a soft voice.
But every time she saw his pale face, she knew.
It was a meaningless lie.
His life was dimming, and still, he smiled.
‘Why?’
An unsolvable problem gnawed away at her.
The boy—bloodied yet ever-bright—
Dragged old whispers from the depths of her memory.
A scar, left behind by the Sovereign’s conditioning.
– You are a child born of malice.
– Your fate is misfortune. One day, you will burn everything to white ash.
– You must never seek happiness in this world.
A child bound to a curse.
A being that should never have been born.
A creature chosen to harm others.
Unworthy of warmth, of kindness, of tomorrow.
Day by day, she felt her mind unravel.
And the starlight within her burned fiercer.
Her body—
Could not endure much longer.
She knew it.
At this rate, disaster was inevitable.
Tormented by the thought, she asked herself—
‘What am I doing?’
She could lose control at any moment, yet she had allowed herself to live so carelessly.
With these hands, she had already committed countless sins.
How could a monster like her—
Be so intoxicated by this warmth?
The boy had kept her from breaking loose so far.
But how much longer could that last?
As the starlight churned,
Her mind wavered.
Perhaps—
Everything would burn again.
She feared it.
– Miss Neria. Everything will be all right.
No.
Nothing was all right.
It terrified her.
‘You’re strange.’
Because of him.
Because he existed, she couldn’t let go of this fear.
He was the one who had found her in the dark.
The one who had given her warmth, kindness, care—
And himself.
A person so pure, so noble.
Even after receiving such miracles, she was afraid.
Afraid that she would harm him.
That she would hurt him.
That thought alone was unbearable.
– This time, I will stay by your side.
Yet—
Even as she drowned in doubt, he continued to tell her it would be fine.
That certainty shattered her.
‘It’s not fine at all.’
She had longed for stability.
But now, it was that very stability that was killing her.
Reality hurt more than any torture she had ever endured.
For the first time, she had grasped something warm—
And it was so much more than she had imagined.
So much better.
So unbearably good that the thought of losing it made her want to cry.
And at the same time—
She was terrified that she would be the one to break it.
‘I’m scared.’
She was scared of herself.
She didn’t want to hurt anyone ever again.
Even if she vowed not to—
She would never be able to escape fate.
If the starlight swallowed her whole, the world would turn white.
She hated that thought.
Hated it so much it made her sick.
The fear coiled around her like a parasite.
Clawing at her insides, pulling her toward the edge of a cliff.
Until, at last—
"Haa… haa…!"
She ran.
Away from the only warmth she had ever known.
Back toward the dark, to bury herself in the deep underground once more.
Her unsteady steps carried her beyond the mansion’s walls.
The wind howled, devouring her silver hair.
—Whooosh!
A brutal landscape.
Even as winter ended, it still hurled stones at the monster.
A blizzard raged, unexpected and cruel.
She staggered through the snow-covered plains.
The tension in her body unraveled, and the starlight within her began to leak out.
A searing heat radiated from her skin.
—Drip.
Tiny drops of light—like dewdrops—fell from her fingertips.
She didn’t even notice.
She only stumbled forward.
‘Why… am I…?’
A fleeting question.
She fell, then rose again.
Again, and again, dragging herself forward.
Until anger began to bubble within her.
Her fists clenched—sparks flickering between her fingers.
‘Why me?’
She had never asked for this power.
Why had the stars chosen her?
Why had it been her?
Born into a cursed fate.
She had never wished for anything grand.
Only a quiet, ordinary life.
A dull, peaceful existence.
And yet—
‘I didn’t ask for much.’
All she received in return was bitter laughter.
The starlight shimmered, twisted by resentment.
Tears streamed down her face.
She muttered—
A whisper soaked in resignation.
"…Maybe I should just die."
She had carried this curse for so long.
But she no longer had the strength to move forward.
Perhaps—
It was because she had already tasted warmth.
The underground that had been her home for half her life—
Now felt terrifying.
If she had to return there, she would rather—
While she still had warmth in her hands—
End it here.
She stopped walking.
‘…Yeah.’
She would die.
It was better this way.
If she kept living, she would only sink into darkness again.
It was best to let go now.
Her slender fingers reached for the weapon at her waist.
A dagger.
The proof of her existence.
She gripped the hilt tightly.
– Take this… It is your fate.
– You were born to raise your blade against others, bathed in starlight. Never forget—this dagger is your denial.
– Follow your destiny. Become a beast of hatred. c
That was what the Sovereign had told her as he placed the blade in her hands.
Since the day the torture and conditioning began, she had carried this symbol of her defiance.
—Sching.
Now, she would end it with that very same blade.
She tested its edge on her right cheek.
Coated in burning starlight, it scorched her skin instantly.
—Ssssss…
The scent of burning flesh filled the air.
A flower of pain bloomed across her face.
A brand, etched onto her skin.
It hurt.
"Ah… ngh… uh…"
Her whimper blurred into sobs.
It was unbearable.
But.
She didn’t stop.
She steadied the blade against her throat.
‘Please.’
Let this be the end.
Let her find rest.
Let her neither hurt nor be hurt again.
Tears fell.
This was the conclusion.
A fate that had turned from blessing to curse.
The inevitable end of a monster.
The dagger, glistening with starlight, shone more brilliantly than ever before.
A breathtaking sight.
A beautiful, tragic moment.
As she prepared to commit the final act of her life.
The blade flashed.
Death crept closer.
And then—
Thud.
A hand caught the blade.
A firm grip—halting her movements.
Someone stood before her, holding onto the dagger, holding onto her.
Golden hair glowed amidst the swirling blizzard.
And a familiar voice reached her ears.
"So this is where you were, Miss Neria."
"You…?"
Through half-lidded eyes—
She saw those pale, white irises gazing at her.
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HELHEIM SCANS
[Translator - Peptobismol]
[Proofreader - Demon God]
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