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[Translator - Tangrine ]
[Proofreader - Seeker ]
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Chapter - 19: In this world you will have trouble, but take heart
Zara resisted her fate.
She began saying no to what she didn’t want.
She stood up to senseless violence.
She didn’t lash out recklessly, but she learned how to resist in ways that didn’t break the rules.
She did it to stand tall before herself.
She did it to finally face her misfortune.
Little by little, Zara began to change.
“Twenty coins, please!”
“I told you already—you’re not getting a damn thing! Get lost!”
“If you don’t pay me what we agreed on, I’ll just go ahead and block the chimney back up.”
“…What?”
“My labor isn’t free. I cleaned your chimney. You promised me twenty coins in return. If you break that promise, you’re treating my work like it’s worthless. So it’s only fair I undo the cleaning, right?”
“You crazy little— tch. Fine. Take your damn money and scram!”
“Hehe. Thank you~”
The man took out coins from his pocket and threw them on the floor.
His face was sour, not because of the money, but because he hated the idea of giving Zara what she deserved.
He spat curses as the coins clattered to the ground.
“Please hand them to me properly.”
“What? I gave you the money! You're too lazy to pick it up yourself? Damn freeloading brat—this is why beggars—!”
“Please hand them to me. I’m not a dog. I’m a person.”
“Go to hell!”
Slamming the door behind him, the man disappeared inside.
A few scattered coins lay shining in the sun.
Zara crouched and picked them up, one by one.
She was one coin short.
Maybe he’d shorted her on purpose.
Maybe one had just rolled away.
Zara gave a soft snort of laughter.
“This is the most money I’ve ever gotten at once! Today’s a lucky day!”
-“It’s one coin short, Dumbass. Still a long way from being a real Alpha.”
“Heheh. Yeah, guess so.”
If Zara had been just a little more wicked...
She might’ve pounded on the door and demanded that last coin.
She might’ve shouted back, cursed him out just like he cursed her.
She might’ve threatened to make him cough up all the wages he’d ever stolen.
In some ways, Zara was still far too kind.
-“But you’re not the same as yesterday. That’s what matters. One step at a time. Keep moving forward.”
“Hehe.”
-“Good job. You’re doing just fine.”
But Zara had changed.
A little better than yesterday.
A little less than tomorrow.
She had become someone who could face her misfortune with pride.
“It’s all thanks to you, Gigachad!”
-“Nope. It’s not because of me. The only person who can change you is you. I just gave you a little push.”
“Heheh… Then I guess it’s all thanks to me, huh!”
-“Of course, Zappy.”
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Zara had always hated the world.
Even in her warmest, wealthiest childhood.
She hated it.
There was no reason.
She hated the smell of grass when the wind rustled the leaves.
She hated the smell of rain when it poured.
She hated her mother’s elegance.
She hated her father’s affection.
She hated sunny days, rainy days.
Every day was something to despise.
But then, her hatred began to find reasons.
The world had taken her kind father from her.
After he died, her mother lost her grace and raised her hand in anger.
If Zara wished for rain, a drought would come.
If she longed for sunshine, the city would flood.
But Zara didn’t mind that part too much.
‘I don’t like Papa. His beard’s too scratchy.’
‘I don’t like Mama. She hit me with a switch.’
‘I don’t like rain clouds. They’re so gloomy.’
It felt like the world was saying you’re not evil for no reason.
This world is something to loathe.
You just happened to be born knowing that truth.
...But was that really true?
In the bedtime stories Father used to read, the good were rewarded and the wicked were punished.
Good is rewarded and evil is punished.
Heaven rewards good and punishes evil.
Maybe she was just a villain getting what she deserved.
And if that were true...
Then she had no excuse for simply being born this way.
‘I don’t like Mr. Gordon. His bald head is way too shiny.’
That’s why Zara was obsessed with good deeds.
She worked hard to be kind.
She ignored the cruel little thoughts inside her.
When Mr. Gordon cheated her out of wages, Zara just gave him a dumb smile and let it go.
Because she had hated Mr. Gordon first, it only made sense that Mr. Gordon hated her too.
‘I don’t like that brat. He’s too loud.’
When the child she saved bit her hand and ran away, Zara simply smiled.
She hadn’t done it hoping for gratitude.
She simply wanted to be good.
Other people’s approval didn’t matter.
‘I…’
‘…I hate myself like this.
‘I hate that I was born bad.’
The truth was, Zara’s effort to be kind came not from a noble place but from hatred.
Hatred for the self she had been born as.
There was no real kindness in that.
Just like she had hated the world, the sky, and people for no reason, she hated herself too.
That instinctive love of self that all humans are said to be born with…Zara had none of it.
Only disgust.
And that was why she could never truly be evil.
Because she was evil and she knew it.
And she hated herself for it more than anyone else ever could.
To affirm oneself requires a seed of goodness, but Zara had no love for herself.
Only loathing.
And if she could not find a way to love the world, then how could she ever hope to love herself?
She believed it would always be that way.
-“Zappy. You’ve worked hard today. Let’s get some sleep for tomorrow’s miracle.”
“Okay!”
Her constant disgust ended when she encountered her 'Gigachad' inner self.
He spoke of self-acceptance.
He got angry at injustice, but didn’t hate others without cause.
And because of him…She began to believe she could accept herself, too.
“Heheh. Today was a lucky day.”
-“You fucking idiot. Luck doesn’t matter. What matters is that you chose to walk through it yourself. You became a better person today. And tomorrow, you’ll be even better.”
“Hehe…”
With Gigachad’s kind voice echoing in her mind, Zara pulled the ragged blanket over herself and closed her eyes.
The wind was cold.
Somewhere, dew dripped onto her forehead.
The voices in her head still screamed hatred at the world.
But she wasn’t cold anymore.
.
.
.
As the days passed, the world grew harsher to her.
Bit by bit.
One day, she was falsely accused of robbery and chased down by a soldier.
Zara ran for hours, dodging alleys, slipping through crowds and eventually caught the one who framed her.
It was something she would have never imagined before.
Now, she no longer faltered in the face of misfortune.
The cruelty of the world no longer shook her.
“Today… feels like a good day!”
-“Of course, Zappy.”
And over time, she began to say ‘I’m lucky’ less and less.
Now she even began to express something far more personal.
“The world sucks! I really hate this place!”
-"The world is a fucking asshole. But facing that dogshit reality head-on? That takes courage. So let’s flip it off properly today, my daughter.”
“Yeah! Heheh!”
The world was still like a dog.
It was absurd, unreasonable, and endlessly cruel to her.
But even so, Zara was becoming a better person. Day by day.
Not for the world’s sake.
But to shove it right back in the world’s face.
===============
Zara had learned to affirm herself.
That was good because the more she believed in herself, the harder she would fight to defy the world that tried to break her.
Of course, she would never get what she truly wanted.
“…Honestly, I’ve got my score to settle with this world. You’re not the only one who wants to flip it off, Zara.”
“You sound pretty cheerful about it.”
“Oh, I’m ecstatic. Couldn’t be happier.”
And as luck would have it, the world’s greatest walking disaster, the so-called ‘Hero of Justice,’ was now heading straight toward Zara.
No doubt the result of her usual ‘bad luck.’
Perfect timing.
All that remained was to hand the world a perfectly wrapped middle finger.
“Let’s flip this world off together, Kana.”
“Understood.”
Go on, you endless little nightmare of a world.
In biblical terms—
[I have overcome the world (John 16:33)]
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[Translator - Tangrine ]
[Proofreader - Seeker ]
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