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[Translator - Pot]
[Proofreader - Kawaii]
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Chapter 176: I Didn’t Want to Cry
Friederun looked at me with disbelief.
“Is… is that really true?”
“It’s the absolute truth.”
“But how… how could this—”
She was so shocked that her hands trembled. I gently held them to calm her.
“Friederun, I understand your confusion. It’s only natural.”
“……Ah.”
I channeled the calm, sea-like energy of the Eternal Ocean Chain Technique mana technique, which helped soothe her.
“Are you feeling a bit calmer now?”
“Yes, Your Highness. Thank you.”
Friederun took a deep breath, steadying her racing heart.
“Here, take this.”
I pulled out Zizek’s letter from my pocket.
“It’s a letter from one of my subordinates. It details the conversations I had with the survivors of Eisenach.”
“Ah, this is—”
“It contains everything—what happened that day, how they’ve lived since, and how they’re doing now.”
I explained further.
“Only three members of the direct line survived: my great-uncle Balthazar, my cousin Knut, and my younger cousin Tara.”
“Ah!”
Friederun looked as though she might faint from shock.
“J-just three? Then what happened to the rest of the…?”
“They’re all gone.”
“Where are the three of them now?”
I pointed downward with my finger.
“Right here.”
“Huh?”
“Balthazar gathered his two grandnephews, distant relatives, and some soldiers and servants loyal to the clan. They formed an organization in the underworld and have been living here ever since.”
“Good heavens.”
Friederun staggered, and I quickly steadied her by holding her arm.
“To think that the most noble among the mountain clans would live such a harsh life…”
“Well, they say life in the city is easier for them than life in the mountains.”
I said it as a joke, but it was likely true.
“You know how it is—the darkest place is often right under the candle. They’ve disguised themselves as an organization called Haglandere.”
“…….”
Friederun seemed both bewildered and convinced by my explanation. If this smooth-talking were all a lie, I could’ve made a decent side career as a playwright.
But unfortunately, I’m not a man of literary talent.
“Now, let me tell you my story.”
“I’m listening.”
Her eyes, filled with human compassion, and her lips, tightly pressed as if she needed to remain defensive in this situation, told me everything.
Even this alone showed me that there had been a significant bond between Friederun and the past me.
“After I woke from my fever, I carefully extended my reach into the underworld and absorbed a small organization under my command. A trustworthy man met with them on my behalf.”
“Huh?”
Friederun looked at me incredulously.
“But you hadn’t even been awake for long. How could you have done all that alone…?”
“The me you remember couldn’t have done it. But I’ve completely changed. You could say I've been reborn.”
Now that I’ve regained Karzan’s memories and his self has replaced the fragile self of Allenvert, I’ve become an entirely different person.
“……My subordinate, with a bit of luck, was able to contact them without much difficulty. At first, they disarmed and detained him, interrogating him to uncover his identity. It was a cautious and appropriate response, and it showed me that my great-uncle Balthazar is no fool.”
Friederun nodded quietly.
“Her Ladyship often spoke of studying under him.”
“I know.”
“Ah, so you knew that too.”
“It was in the letter.”
Friederun now seemed to fully believe me. After all, these were details she couldn’t have known otherwise.
“They were surprised but pleased to learn that I had sent someone to find them. However, they requested a handwritten letter from my mother as proof of trust.”
“Ah, I see. Of course, someone could’ve impersonated you.”
“They’ve lived through times where caution was the only way to survive. It was the right decision.”
At this point, I looked directly into Friederun’s eyes.
“Friederun, what do you think drove me to do all this?”
“…….”
Seeing her pained expression, I continued.
“When I first woke up, I thought it was strange. Why didn’t my mother come to see me? Why did the servants and doctors hesitate to speak of her?”
“Ah……”
Friederun covered her mouth. Tears welled up in her eyes.
‘How kind-hearted you are, Friederun.’
A part of my heart ached, perhaps because the boy Allenvert’s soul found some small solace in those tears.
“Think about it, Friederun.”
This tone of mine must be completely different from what she remembered. Back then, I might’ve called her name affectionately, with a hint of childishness.
But our relationship can no longer be what it once was.
“I was like a boy who woke up alone in a strange room. I persuaded the servants to tell me stories, met with the head butler, visited Ludan to read martial arts manuals—”
I listed everything I had done after regaining my past life’s memories and losing my current life’s memories.
“All of it came from a desperate need to do ‘something’. In the process, I learned about what happened to my mother, why I had chosen seclusion in the past, and the fate of being on borrowed time.”
I edited some parts, but most of it was true.
“Young Master, how could you endure such hardships twice?”
Friederun finally pulled out a handkerchief to dab at her eyes.
“After learning all of this, I realized what I had to do.”
I spoke with unwavering determination.
“I will join hands with the survivors of Eisenach and take revenge on those who stole everything from us. I will become the King of the Mountain People, ‘Lordstir’. With the blood of Eisenach in my veins, I have the legitimacy to do so.”
In a way, this was no different from the path of Kylen Webern, the young ambitious man who sought to reclaim the long-lost County of Webern.
“You know that name too, Young Master.”
“And so do you.”
Friederun, who had served by my mother’s side longer than anyone, would naturally have heard of ‘Lordstir’.
“How could I, with my memory loss, have known about it?”
I asked and answered my own question.
“Either my memory loss was a lie, or I truly met them.”
“……Now I understand, Young Master.”
Friederun looked at me with tearful eyes.
“That’s why you needed to meet Her Ladyship even more.”
I nodded and asked, “Do you see now? To avenge Eisenach, to take the first step, I need my mother’s help more than anything.”
“I… I understand.”
Friederun nodded slowly, as if she had finally understood my words.
“But that’s not the only reason.”
“Huh? Then—”
“I can no longer remember my mother’s face. Even my memories of her are nothing more than fragments, pieced together like a patchwork quilt from the recollections of others and the pages of diaries.”
“Young Master.”
“If I were to go my entire life without seeing her again, wouldn’t that be too tragic?”
I felt compelled to add more.
“...If I fail to find Ereshkigal or rid myself of the poison within me, I will die soon anyway. If that happens, I’ll close my eyes for the last time still longing for my mother.”
“...”
Friederun bowed her head. Pity for me, combined with the information about the survivors of Eisenach, would surely lead her to accept my proposal.
“Even if my mother doesn’t respond as I hope, it’s fine. At the very least, this letter will let her know what has happened to our clan, their feelings, and their well-being. That alone is enough.”
“Understood, Young Master.”
Friederun carefully tucked the letter into her embrace.
“I will make sure to deliver this.”
“I’m counting on you. You’re the only one who can persuade her.”
Friederun hesitated, shaking her head as if at a loss for words.
“But she is afraid. Afraid that her son might resent her, afraid that if she returns now, she’ll be dragged back into the ruthless political struggles and suffer even greater wounds... Everything is regret and fear for her.”
I nodded.
“I understand her feelings.”
I wouldn’t condemn her for that weakness.
“To be honest, Friederun, it’s true that the Allenvert of the past wrote in his diary about his longing, concern, and even his hidden resentment toward his mother.”
“...Yes, of course he would have.”
“But the memories of that young, fragile boy are gone. Now, I think differently.”
I pressed a thumb to my chest.
“I fully understand my mother’s heart. It’s not her fault. It was simply a tragedy too great for any one person to bear.”
This was my sincere feeling.
“There’s no need to blame the ship for failing to cross a stormy sea. That would be too cruel.”
Even so.
“My mother has a role only she can fulfill, and above all, there is still a path of vengeance left to settle the grudges of the past.”
I stretched out my hand, as if grasping something, and continued.
“And she must know that her only son has seized that path with his own hands. This is, after all, something for the sake of our mother and son.”
“...Young Master.”
A resolute light finally appeared in Friederun’s troubled eyes.
“First, please accept my bow.”
Friederun performed a bow that felt somewhat unfamiliar to me.
“This is a gesture passed down only among the Eisenach.”
“Friederun.”
I sensed her determination.
“Your devotion, Young Master, and your thoughts for Her Ladyship have moved me deeply. I will deliver this letter and do everything in my power to persuade her.”
“I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Friederun.”
I helped her up as I spoke.
“In the meantime, I’ll prepare diligently for the confrontation with Valkenhain.”
“...I wish you good fortune.”
“Both you and I must do our best in our respective roles.”
I smiled faintly.
“So now, it’s time for my mother to return to her place.”
“...Yes.”
“It’s not wrong to feel overwhelmed and collapse under the weight of the journey at times. That’s only human. But—”
You can’t stay down forever.
“Eventually, you must rise and walk again. Otherwise, Lusatia Grunewald, my poor mother, will spend her entire life as nothing more than an empty shell, like a doll.”
“Young Master,” Friederun said, her voice tinged with emotion.
“You’ve truly become a man like the sun.”
“I aim to be the sun that brightens the day and the moon that embraces the night.”
That is the path I must walk as Allenvert, as Karzan.
...And then.
‘Damn it.’
I turned away and rubbed my eyes.
“Ah, this is embarrassing.”
I sighed.
“I didn’t want to become a crybaby in front of you.”
“Young Master.”
Friederun laughed, her voice watery.
“In my heart, you’re still that kind, tearful, yet truly lovable and clever boy.”
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[Translator - Pot]
[Proofreader - Kawaii]
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